On abundance
Juliette, thank you for giving me the opportunity to write about the concept of abundance and how it fits into our RU lives. I'm writing in English because I like to have Lishelle's comments on that (She is great on RU concepts and practicals. But she doesn't read French... yet ;-) ).
Some time ago, I asked myself this question: "If I had millions of dollars, would I buy anything and everything for my kids if they ask to?". The answer was "yes". Because I would do the same for myself. If I were suddenly rich, I would buy stuff, get massages, pedicures, coaches, hotels, travels, clothes, you name it.
I would probably have an overdose of buying and getting for a while. Until I realise my life is maybe easier but not so much happier, I guess. So I assume it would be the same for my kids. They will play and play and eat and eat and realise that if they have nobody to play with or if they were not spending time with us it was not worth it.
So, being quite restricted last year finances-wise, I decided to buy a lot from the different op-shops we had in New Plymouth. We get many many toys, clothes, art-stuff, books, etc. It was so cheap (often 50cts for a toy or clothes) that we felt rich to buy so many things. I enjoyed going there every second week.
I also read that if kids are allowed to eat everything they tend to eat healthy after some time with too much candies and sugar. So Anouk is allowed to have whatever she wants, whenever she wants. We try to offer her healthy options but often fail to do so (we're not ready on time or the food is missing when she wants it, etc.)
Result ? Anouk seldom played with the toys and took no care of them, read some books but ignored a lot (that she chose), ate lots of sugary food...
Overall I think it was normal (annoying somewhat but normal). My partner disagreed with that. I remember that when I was young I wasn't very careful either with my things (even now...), but he was very careful and is still. So he gets upset about that.
We finally agreed not to buy new stuff anymore, she has enough to play with, we just need to sit down sometimes with her and have a fresh looks at some books or toys (I've put some aside to *discover* them later).
It's true that she sounds very materialistic now, but I think most of the children at that age are like that, like it or not (I don't, but I'm probably more materialistic than I want to admit). She dreams of dresses and lots of toys, wants to show off her clothes and loves to go shopping for groceries.
We have a new ritual at night where everyone says the three things (s)he is grateful for in his/her day. Often she picks shopping and food, but I realised she mostly talks about cuddles, "when we stop shouting and fighting", playing with us, making gifts and drawings, etc. Whereas her father ALWAYS mention a food or two as the great things he had in his day! Hmmm....
The thinking around abundance is not closed. Certainly just the beginning.
The only thing we're certain of is: parents can always buy themselves a treat (beer for MC, chocolate or clothes for me) but the young children can't, so I see no reason why we shouldn't buy them something they like, at least as often as we do for us.
Some time ago, I asked myself this question: "If I had millions of dollars, would I buy anything and everything for my kids if they ask to?". The answer was "yes". Because I would do the same for myself. If I were suddenly rich, I would buy stuff, get massages, pedicures, coaches, hotels, travels, clothes, you name it.
I would probably have an overdose of buying and getting for a while. Until I realise my life is maybe easier but not so much happier, I guess. So I assume it would be the same for my kids. They will play and play and eat and eat and realise that if they have nobody to play with or if they were not spending time with us it was not worth it.
So, being quite restricted last year finances-wise, I decided to buy a lot from the different op-shops we had in New Plymouth. We get many many toys, clothes, art-stuff, books, etc. It was so cheap (often 50cts for a toy or clothes) that we felt rich to buy so many things. I enjoyed going there every second week.
I also read that if kids are allowed to eat everything they tend to eat healthy after some time with too much candies and sugar. So Anouk is allowed to have whatever she wants, whenever she wants. We try to offer her healthy options but often fail to do so (we're not ready on time or the food is missing when she wants it, etc.)
Result ? Anouk seldom played with the toys and took no care of them, read some books but ignored a lot (that she chose), ate lots of sugary food...
Overall I think it was normal (annoying somewhat but normal). My partner disagreed with that. I remember that when I was young I wasn't very careful either with my things (even now...), but he was very careful and is still. So he gets upset about that.
We finally agreed not to buy new stuff anymore, she has enough to play with, we just need to sit down sometimes with her and have a fresh looks at some books or toys (I've put some aside to *discover* them later).
It's true that she sounds very materialistic now, but I think most of the children at that age are like that, like it or not (I don't, but I'm probably more materialistic than I want to admit). She dreams of dresses and lots of toys, wants to show off her clothes and loves to go shopping for groceries.
We have a new ritual at night where everyone says the three things (s)he is grateful for in his/her day. Often she picks shopping and food, but I realised she mostly talks about cuddles, "when we stop shouting and fighting", playing with us, making gifts and drawings, etc. Whereas her father ALWAYS mention a food or two as the great things he had in his day! Hmmm....
The thinking around abundance is not closed. Certainly just the beginning.
The only thing we're certain of is: parents can always buy themselves a treat (beer for MC, chocolate or clothes for me) but the young children can't, so I see no reason why we shouldn't buy them something they like, at least as often as we do for us.